I think I am morally bankrupt
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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