Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
