why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
