I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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