Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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