I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There's always time for handjobs
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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