she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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