I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ugly people sure do ruin things
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
