We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
