I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
