I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
