Don't make out with my wife yet
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
