Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
