Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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