Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize