I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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