Soap is not a condiment
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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