3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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