I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize