when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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