i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
