I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
