sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize