I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
