So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
