I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
