i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
