shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
