2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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