His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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