That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Bring me that man meat
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
