windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
