Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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