I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
