I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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