I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
