If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
