just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
