it hurts more in the daytime
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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