I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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