marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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