oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
