direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
