Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
