I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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