I just pynch a tree in the face
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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