I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
