If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
