Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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