I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
