After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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