I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
