I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
