if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
