I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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