my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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