did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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