she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The uberlube is also flammable
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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