She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
