so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
