Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize