If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
