My liver just broke up with me...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
