I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
