How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
