So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
