the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
