I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
