i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize