Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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