I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
