New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
