I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
