i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
