Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
