5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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