Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
