Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
