So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
