I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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