Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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