i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
